October 28th - my 30-something b-day

So yesterday October 28th was my 30-something-ish birthday. I'm not going to disclose my exact age hahaha...that's my little secret. Though you know I'm at LEAST 30.

My birthday celebration apparently started Monday afternoon...when two of my friends came over, surprised me, and took me out. They brought gifts and treated me to Marble Slab - I had a mix of caramel & amaretto with almonds in a waffle cone - YUM! Then in the evening, my husband took me out to Chili's (one of the only restaurants in our little town) where I had a sirloin, loaded mashed potatoes, some broccoli and veggies doused in pepper, and their Molten Chocolate Cake. DECADENT! The waiter was kind enough to announce my age as 21 to the whole restaurant.

Afterwards I did do more work...b/c I'm just like that. And dh had to wait till late for me to finish...but then the bday celebrations continued to the actual b-day day. So yesterday - on my actual birthday, I didn't do any work at all. I spent the day hanging out with my daughter & doing whatever we wanted. (I got her to sorta sing Happy Birthday to me - I sang it to myself with her a bunch - silly me.) We watched videos, I played this game that dh has gotten me addicted to recently. We did end up going to the grocery store in the afternoon, but then the evening was relaxed. Just exactly how I wanted it (especially after a long tiring weekend in San Antonio.) We had chocolate cake & ice cream. Thanks for all of the birthday wishes from my family & friends during the day and on facebook. Facebook can make a girl feel really popular.

Stress levels

So I'm going to post this here since I'm not allowed to post non-Hannah stuff on her blog anymore apparently...dh doesn't approve.

My stress levels today totally went sky high. Not like frazzled or crazy nerves...but the amount of things I need to do in the next week feels like it's exponentially multiplied...

it didn't help that the daughter was screaming and not wanting to nap - though she did fall asleep and WAS asleep until I tried to crawl out of bed...then she woke up, startled and didn't fall back asleep for an hour. I left her in her bed for the "naptime" allotted time...and felt bad & stressed out the whole time she was screaming bloody murder.

Granted, I've had a lot to do...photo processing...lots of weddings and photo shoots...and things to do for the biz - one of the big ones is the website that's not getting any time or attention. The Primary Program. Other ppl. Church responsibilities...family responsibilities....friend & neighbor responsibilities...

the CCSO....Danny called Tuesday and reminded me that I needed to get my music resume out to them ASAP...so i spent Tuesday working on it, and I sent it off...sad little piddly thing - my music resume. I've had resumes so I could work for the man...and scientific C.V....but never did I have a music resume... I just didn't. b/c I didn't need it. and since quitting my corporate job, I haven't wanted to work for the man, so the last updated resume I had is from 2004 or Jan 2005.

Anyways...so today I got some of the excerpts for the audition...which is in a week. yeah...let's see what i can do to polish up my skills in a week... Thank goodness for technology! On the internet I was able to find the complete orchestral scores and video recordings of both! And there was an attached pdf link to the 1st page of an excerpt. CCSO is going to snail mail me the Mozart #39 excerpt-pretty easy. But the Strauss Don Juan...I'll need some time to practice...and I did that today... YIKES! um yeah...not pleasant to hear. i butchered it. at one time maybe I could have sightread the sucker...but not today.

And then I tried to find a solo that sounded half decent. Never mind that I can't find any of my solo music... I had 2 pieces in my vln case...so I'm choosing the one with nice clean copies so I can make copies for the 5 judges. yeah... auditions...
um...and so it's a Sonata. not a Concerto. oh well... they just said solo.

It's funny...b/c I've wanted to play in a symphony for the past few years...until I discovered photography and the business has grown this year...and so now I'm a little overscheduled...or over-something-or-the-0ther.

it's late...i should not be rambling on a blog...i should either be productive getting work done, or ASLEEP. which is what dh is doing... wise man that he is.

New tools!

YAY! I got my new 50mm f1.4 lens last Friday. Monday night I ordered Lightroom 2.0 from this vendor we found online...and it just came TODAY! Just NOW - the UPS guy showed up at our doorstep! I was totally surprised! SUPER DUPER fast and speedy and for $1.99 shipping! I like this new vendor! Thanks Johnathan for your help too!

Last week we also got 2 new batteries for my camera & 2 new 4GB CF cards.

I'm excited for Lightroom 2.0!!! Now I have it before this weekend's wedding and next weekend's wedding. Now to get it all set-up with presets...

Memories

Alright, I got this off of a friend's blog. I am interested in what peeps have to say. So I'm going to post this on all the blogs...depending on which one you link to.

Here are the directions:
1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I have had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember.
2. Next, repost these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It is actually pretty funny to see the responses.

Strobist intro

You Tube has lots of videos...some rather informative/instructional.
This is a little introduction for beginning strobists:

Distortion

So this is video is pretty cool...I sorta wish I had these Photoshop skills.

It does make a statement about "beauty"
Distortion of "real" into "created" and perceived beauty.

The Power of Photoshop...

everything commercial is photoshopped nowadays.
you can't believe everything you see.

new camera

crazy us... we've...mainly i've, been hemming and humming and hawing the past month or two over cameras... 40d? 5d? 40d? 5d? ahhh!

and then tonight....or now last night...we purchased a new camera on amazon... YOWZERS!

5 minutes later, i cancelled the order, and purchased a different camera... double the price

and now i'm STILL wavering!!! (over the costs...not the desire for a new camera)

i know. the camera is just a TOOL. but oh...what an expensive tool it is to upgrade. i decided that i really really wanted full frame...and then the 40d was "affordable" and i had talked to a canon rep that said the 40d has newer technology than the 5d, and unless i really want to blow up my pics really big, i didn't need the 5d...but oh...how i'd like the low light performance...

i've been holding off many weeks... yet this morning i had my friend & colleague call and compliment me on some of my photos...and also comment on the limitations that my current camera made on the quality of the low light photos from a wedding (saying my photos would have been even better with a better camera)....

and the current instant canon rebates which expire on july 19...which is now...like today.
oh and the $50 mail in upgrade rebate (which we don't qualify for b/c you have to HAVE the camera in hand and enter in the serial number by today july 19th...and we just ordered our camera and it's not delivered)

i should be totally excited and jumping up and down....but i feel anxiety b/c for us right now it's such a huge chunk of cash...

after i returned from meeting with a wedding client this afternoon...dh & i "discussed" and both felt peace about the 40d. so we bought it. afterwards, i made some comments that i was wondering if i really was upgrading (yes upgrading technology) but not upgrading image quality.

then dh was like..."just get the 5d!" which was VERY uncharacteristic of him...but the prices are low now (comparatively to a few months ago/last year) ....but b/c canon is probably going to release another new improved camera this fall??? rumors rumors. and with digital technology, prices just get lower and lower over time, right?

i should really invest in more glass...but the 5d is a huge improvement...some have called it a "classic" (in the digital world...a classic is only a few yrs old!)

ahhh! what glass would i get next if i didn't get a camera???
the very expensive 70-200mm f2.8L IS lens? or the wide angle 16-35mm???
most likely the 85mm 1.8 prime. i should get the 24mm 1.8 prime after that.
primes are good...and affordable...and super sharp...

but really...my current camera body fits a lot of my needs...and my current lenses too...

it's about expanding the business. and expanding the tools.
i should probably invest in a unique and custom website??? but the blog has been working for me. oh... the $$$ it takes to run a business.

i should be super duper happy and excited!

i am ...but it's accompanied by anxiety over $$$costs$$$. i didn't want to tap into family funds to expand the business. i wanted the business to fund itself...or do a small business loan.

especially since we know the importance of having a year's supply and the $ was supposed to be to help us finish & add to our year's supply & emergency funds.

decisions, decisions

i've been researching & trying to decide what new equipment to buy. i really want to upgrade to a full frame dSLR and want some new lenses. since finances are a limiting factor (the business is funding itself - no debt or dipping into family funds), i need to decide what is most essential and of most value and worth as a next purchase.

wise advice i came across today: "always buy the best lens and least expensive non-discontinued dSLR"
which reinforced what i'd already decided...to buy the best lens for the purpose that i needed (good glass always retains its value - like the canon L series)...and the least expensive camera that does what i need it to do (the 5d as the best bet for a full-frame dSLR)

spent a lot of time searching details, prices, and ratings today. which was a very very good thing b/c the past 2 days i'd been highly considering buying some equipment that seemed like a great deal from a online retailer that i found from a google search. good thing that i did further research through the forum at Amazon.com and also ResellerRatings.com and saved myself from being scammed or given the hook & bait. apparently there are a lot of shady camera stores out there operating under different names online, but seems to be the same operation. i actually called the online seller, TWICE, on hold forever both times, and both times the phone mysteriously disconnected during the call after i asked the customer service rep a question. avoid soniccameras.com and photodynasty.com - don't waste your time!

if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is! better to buy from a reputable dealer that's been proven reliable. like amazon, b&h, adorama...like so many people have recommended.

on a side note...
i also did a search for our casio privia digital piano a couple of months ago, and found an AWESOME deal at musician's friend where our particular model was hundreds cheaper than anywhere else i looked. it was cheaper than the base model sold at bestbuy (that we had planned to buy). i called musician's friend and they had 24/7 customer service which was great and i ordered the product. (i had called another competing online retailer earlier but got voicemail?!) at musician's friend, the guy did sell me an extended warranty, but it was only like $50, and he wasn't pushy or salesy. the piano arrived as scheduled and it plays great! today i did a search on resellerratings.com for musician's friend and they didn't score very well, but i had a good experience with them. but their reviews had a mix of negative and positive comments. the other camera places had all consistently negative stories.

being away from family...

as much as i love photography and shooting weddings...i'm really really sad to be away from my family. i just got home around 12:30am. hannah's asleep and isaac's asleep too. and we didn't get much family time together today b/c we've all been busy. (isaac was gone all morning till about noon-time helping out and doing service for someone in the ward since he's in the EQ Presidency. he was tired b/c he laid carpet and moved heavy stuff. and i needed a nap this afternoon b/c i've been burning the candle at both ends...and needed to recharge for tonight's event.)

last weekend's event was fun b/c isaac got to go with me and enjoy the evening. and we had a nice night out...but we did have to leave hannah with a sitter. i'm just hesitant about leaving hannah a ton b/c i'm worried about her and the allergies. and probably b/c i'm an overprotective mommy...

oh well...time to download photos and backup.

random dreams

so last night i dreamed that while i was photographing a session, i was standing on a really tall stack of books all piled up on each other to get an overhead shot. then the stack of books fell and so did i. so i missed the shot.

this afternoon i was taking a nap, and i dreamed that i was shooting a wedding with isaac... and we were both 2nd shooting with sarah diane & chad...then we ended up dancing a bunch at the reception - and the reception was strange (you know how dreams go) and ended prematurely b/c there were no people there, and i guess we didnt' have really anything to shoot.

ok...so do you think i have photography on the mind?

well...i should go get ready for this evening, b/c i AM 2nd shooting with sarah diane for a wedding reception at the american bank center.

Family & Motherhood

After a spiritual Enrichment last night, I wrote a long email to a friend that contained most of my recent "deep thoughts", but I thought I should also post something pertaining to those things that have most importance to me. Though those things that I hold most dear and close to me, I don't usually discuss openly - especially on a blog...

I've been pondering about how I prioritize my time. I've been spending a large chunk of time recently on photography and business pursuits. But in actuality, my role as a mother is first and foremost at this time in my life. It predominates my time. I am a mother to our adorable baby girl. She's growing up so fast and this is really a special and precious time that I need to cherish. She's a sponge - absorbing her surroundings, mimicking, learning and growing - physically, intellectually, psychologically, spiritually. Being her mother is the most important way I can spend my time. Teaching her, playing with her, patiently loving her, raising a healthy, well-rounded, educated, and kind contributor to society with integrity.

I've been reading a couple of essays/talks about motherhood by President Gordon B. Hinckley in the mornings this past week. And they've renewed my commitment to being a good mother - an attentive, loving and patient mother. And rearing children is truly a full-time job...not part-time...it is 24-7 all the time...and for the rest of my life...I will be a mother.

So that means more boundaries with time and our lives. Time is so precious... There is a sense of urgency to things these days. So much is happening around the world. So much information and data and events are all happening around us...it's an explosion of information & news! We are bombarded...but we have to consciously CHOOSE what information we let into our lives and integrate. Good quality information that uplifts and builds and makes one a better person - to build solid foundations of integrity in a person. Not the mass media marketing, flashy advertising, and fickle trends that come and go - things that don't last. We need to spend time, energy & money on things of lasting and eternal worth - not on things of no worth.

The family is the foundation...of so much!

I also came across this tidbit today by Neal A. Maxwell (I like all of his writings):
"...while we know parts of more and more people, we also know fewer and fewer people well; our parents tended to know fewer people but these they knew more fully. Since we know so many others, either functionally or fractionally, the family, in addition to its other blessings, also gives us our best opportunity for wholeness."

Wholeness...I feel whole with my family. This family with my dearest Isaac, the most wonderful husband I could have imagined, and my sweet dear Hannah. I feel so blessed. Never in my life have I felt so whole and complete. I am fulfilled - I feel so whole and so complete with them.

dreams...to reality!

so I never finished writing/posting about my "pre-event stress-dreams" from this weekend...but for context's sake, [b]ecker and David Jay were both in them - they were giving me advice.

anyways... just a little bit ago, i was taking a break from processing this weekend's 25th anniversary photos, and i decided to visit Jasmine Star's blog and lo and behold the 1st post (6.17.08) is about the "Free to Succeed" Seminar. i'm thinking...oh good...another seminar that i'd like to attend, but dream on. i continue to read on...and it says, "We’ll be starting the tour in Houston, Texas on July 29, 2008" and i was like YIPPPEEEE! and i scan really fast down the post, and see that the 1st 30 signups in each city get 50% off. so I click on the signup link and to see what's up.

well, the first stop is Houston and the 2nd stop is Austin...and I'm thinking...hmmm...which one? they're both about 3-4 hours away from me. i have friends in both places that i'd like to see...i think Austin is just a bit closer...and probably has less signed up right now... i checked the calendar...dh is out of town that week...my hands were almost shaking from excitement as i clicked around from webpg to webpg...

i quickly signed up and now i'm going to Austin to meet Jasmine & DJ on July 30th!!! And for $50 bucks too, I get to attend the seminar! i'm so excited! i'm really going to get real live advice from David Jay...not just in a dream! i even left a comment on Jasmine Star's blog! and i don't usually leave comments!

whooo hooo!!!

Schedule is filling up with photo processing

I was able to finish a bunch of photo projects today, and boy does it feel good! I ended up with more photography stuff the past week than I had anticipated. But as of now, I'm mostly caught up... until I fill my memory cards up again with more images from tomorrow's (or later today's) wedding (where I'm going as a 3rd shooter and for learning).

I designed and printed up the event cards myself for the 25th anniversary coming up, and I'm rather pleased with the results. I didn't order them from the online vendor b/c of turnaround time. I realized today I wouldn't get them in time for next week's anniversary party on Saturday. Since I just finished processing today all the photos from the "dress session" from Wednesday. I also finished processing the photos from the mom&baby session I did for Delilah on Tuesday.

I still have the family session to process from last weekend...but they're on summer vacation and not in a rush...

I just realized I have 3 shoots next week: 2 multiple peep shoots, and then the anniversary event on Sat. I'm going to be busy with post-processing!

And I've been pondering lots about the business-side of things... it's what my brain's been musing over on default mode...

I feel very blessed for all of these opportunities that have come my way.

I'd like to actually work on personal family photo and memories though...I haven't done a lot of processing of those at all...

our vegetable garden

one of the 1st things we did at the new home was plant a garden in the backyard in the dirt - so that was like march.

we have 6 rows in our veggie garden:

1. carrots
   
2. spinach
   
3. bell peppers & string beans
   
4. tomatoes
5. potatoes
6. herbs (basil, thyme) & broccoli
   

the bell peppers are growing very well. there are many plants with multiple peppers on them. all large. mostly green...one red right now.

the carrots aren't bad, though they're probably all squished together since we didn't thin them out as much as we should have.

the string beans were doing well...we ate a bunch of the beans a few weeks ago.

the spinach were flourishing well, but now they have a disease. don't know what it is, but the leaves are all spotted and yellowing. we didn't even get to eat any.

the tomatoes are half dead. they had great fruit, but then birds or what not have eaten some...and all of the ones that have fallen off. the leaves are half dead and we don't know what's wrong with them. some plants are worse off than others. they were flourishing a month ago and now they're all sad looking.

the potatoes are dying. though dh did harvest some cute ones out last week.

the basil is doing very well. we cook with the leaves regularly.
the thyme is doing better. one plant was about to die after we transplanted it, but now it's better.
the broccoli is growing well...lots of leaves, but it's flowering. it didn't ever really produce heads of broccoli, just branches of florets that one can't really eat.

gardening isn't my favorite thing to do...and i've been more neglectful of the garden than not...

the aloe vera we transplated is rejuvenating - turning green again. we probably overwatered it at 1st...(actually i put them in a bucket of water to "keep them alive" before we put them in the dirt...oops) and they were yellow for a long long time.

my strawberries died...b/c they were still in a pot & i forgot to water them (since they were on the side)

the cilantro is in a planter. it seeded and now is hanging on by a thread. i dunno if it's still alive.

it's getting hotter and hotter...we'll see how the plants handle it.

swarm of bees

totally random and totally scary.

this morning dh & i were weeding in the garden. we'd tackled a bunch of weeds and i was about to wrap it up.

suddenly i hear mass buzzing all around me as i was heading towards the patio. i turned around and there was a mass of black insects all in the air covering practically all the airspace of the size of the backyard. i freaked out (in my head i was like what? massive flies? black insects? did dh uncover some crazy insects in the weeds?)

i screeched and asked dh, "what is that?!?!"

he instantly replied, "get inside! call 911."

we both ran for the back door and quickly retreated inside our home.

dh said, "those are bees!"

as we peered out of our kitchen windows, we saw the mass quickly hover from the air covering our backyard into the air above our neighbors backyard.
we could still hear the buzzing through all of our double-paned closed windows.

they really just appeared out of nowhere! as just as fast as we noticed them, they were onto the next yard.

behind our yard, it's still a construction site. they haven't started building on the street, but it's paved. i don't know where the bees came from. but all of a sudden they were in our yard. and that ended our morning weeding. (a lot of weeding to still do - we're pulling weeds selectively - but the yard looks 100% better!)

celebrities before and after photoshop

found this link while researching photography... (specifically flash techniques)

http://www.hemmy.net/2007/05/25/celebrities-before-and-after-photoshop/
which i linked to from night-ray.com

some of these peeps i actually liked the photo before photoshop...like the very last one...

what a plasticized, digitized, fake, media driven world...

photoshop... i like photoshop...but i like real people even better!

Lots of new developments

So this is my 2nd post about my recent professional endeavors...and has more detail than the 1st where I was being vague and didn't want to say too much.

So I've booked my 1st event - not intentionally. She asked. I had originally told her I don't do events (too stressful for me)...and was just helping her out by designing invitations...but here I am...actually going to do the event - a 25th anniversary party in June - dh encouraged me to, so I told them yes.

Therefore I have A LOT of preparation to do!

Tonight / last night I invested over $1000 in glass. One glass. the Canon 24-70 f/2.8L. My 1st L lens! Wow. I also got the 430EX Speedlite. I figured it was enough vs the 580EXII Speedlite. I had wanted to focus on "natural light photography" but now with an indoor event, I'm going to need flash...since I don't have the camera body that has 3200 ISO or exceptional low light function.

Amazon's a crazy place! Their prices fluctuate within minutes and items sell quickly and upon refreshing a page they're out of stock - if you're not quick enough at purchasing them. At least that was my experience today. Bought lots of new equipment and the joint present for my mom.

Tuesday, I signed up for Pictage. I hemmed and hummed over it for a month. And finally took the 1st out-of-pocket "investment leap" but then on Wednesday, I read a post on photo.net that didn't give it the best reviews. So I'm going to try it for myself and see. No contract commitment and I get the advertised new-member rate. They ARE rather aggressive with the "hard sale" lots of phone call follow ups and emails - I dunno if that'll annoy clients or not. I hadn't thought about it that way. But it was their persistent contact that got me to join.

I haven't been blogging on any of my blogs recently b/c I've been really busy and not feeling "bloggy." But with all of these new developments to the "business side of things" I felt like I should blog. Of course...it's unlike me to spill my guts to the world...but I do need to document things. I contemplated starting a new private blog documenting my journey, but I think my musings page should be enough.

I do need to revamp my photo blog...which isn't a blog much less a photo blog at all right now...I want to combine blog with website...like jessica claire.

I really do need validation and positive feedback at this point. Psychologically I've been struggling with the same "cycles" and I've felt stressed - which doesn't make me a happy mommy or wifey. Plus I'm a bit sleep deprived b/c my brain just keeps going and going.

This past weekend I was hoping for a maternity session, but when the time came, she was having contractions and didn't feel up to a photo session. She had her baby Monday night/Tuesday morning! I just found out today. But now I can do her newborn session! I'm excited!!!

A few weeks ago, I also talked to some peeps about senior sessions and the market around here...and found out lots of great information. And K.S. and her friend are willing to model for me - although they've already had their senior sessions. This studio is moving and they've basically been servicing most of the seniors in the area. So there's going to be a need this summer/next year for the next yr's seniors. So I'm thinking about tapping into the senior market...but dunno yet. I've also discovered a lot more studios and photographers that I didn't know about in the area...I'm slowly compiling a list. I'm hoping to network and make friends, but who knows how open and responsive people will be.

[B]ecker has been great at sharing info with the world and helping others in this business - including a daily school. Lots of info out there. Jasmine Star's journey is also inspiring. There's lots more...but too many to list.

I have one of my fave's & 1st inspirations that I visit still - Tara Whitney who's just redesigned her website and blog & also Amy.

So going back to the psychological thing - I did a baby 9 month session a few weeks ago, and I really loved how the pics turned out, but I didn't get any feedback from the mom b/c I didn't do a sit-down viewing session with her - I finished up the CD and let her pick it up. So it stressed me out b/c I didn't know if she liked them or what. I called and left VMs, but no call back. So Wednesday (yesterday) morning I emailed her a quick note to follow and for feedback, and got a reply within a few hours. I was SOOO excited! And felt SOOO much better instantly upon reading her words "I LOVED the photos." She's going to order some custom work too! I'm so excited!

I've learned so much...it's a huge learning curve, but I'm really excited for the journey and getting established in this venture.

I did some volunteer violin playing today - for a kids' Spanish class. Once again b/c someone asked (I've discovered that I rarely volunteer my talents) - and I'm going to help them out with their "program" next Tuesday evening.

It's cool b/c the classes are held at this art center here (small pottery center). While I was there a mother asked if I taught violin. She had a difficult time locating a violin teacher for her son, but found one in CC. I told her I used to, but I don't anymore. A few peeps have asked me about if I teach violin - I reply "not anymore"...but it always gets me to thinking.

It was fun to guide the kids and teach them a bit or two about music today...but would I want to teach again? I do enjoy aspects of it - like helping kids to learn. It's certainly NOT for the pay. Get more per hour doing other stuff. It's a thought...but that would be too much on my plate. I already don't give H as much attention as she would like.

I know some people say blogging should be short and about a point or something interesting that others would want to read about what not... but this is my musings blog...so I can go off on whatever...mostly what's in my mind...
and it's mainly for myself to "dump some of my thoughts down in words."

So if you're reading, thank you for being a reader...please feel free to leave comments...and if you're not...well...then you're not reading this and you wouldn't have seen this sentence anyways...but then is there a "you?"

lol

One Word Answers

okay millie...on your behalf. i usually don't do these things... and haven't done a blog one ever. though i probably should, since you can inadvertently get "tagged" when reading one...

1. Where is your cell phone? counter
2. Your significant other? out
3. Your hair? ponytail
4. Last time you cursed? don't
5. Last thing you ate? strawberries
6. Your favorite thing? laptop
7. Your dream last night? lucid
8. Your favorite drink? SilkSoymilk
9. Your dream/goal? success
10. The room you're in? kitchen
11. Your ex? nonexistent
12. Your fear? childbirth
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? richer
14. Where were you last night? asleep
15. What you're not? molly
16. Muffin? breakfast
17. One of your wish list items? "L-series"lens (okay not really one word)
18. Where you grew up? Dallas
19. The last thing you did? type
20. What are you wearing? t-shirt
21. Your TV Brand? Toshiba
22. Your pets? none
23. Your computer? Dell
24. Your life? busy
25. Your mood? content
26. Missing someone? hubby
27. Your car? Impala
28. Something you're not wearing? socks
29. Favorite Store? BedBath&Beyond (okay - another not one word)
30. Your summer? humid
31. Like someone? Hannah
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? monday
35. Who will/would re-post this? dunno

Photoshop Disasters

Yay! I finished another CD of photos. I was really happy with this one compared to the previous ones... It helps to not look at something for 2 weeks and then come back to it later. Gives perspective. I'd forgotten that. I used to do that for a lot of artistic projects and writing projects.

Anyways...on a more interesting note, I stumbled upon this site the other day, and it's GREAT! Really fun commercial photoshop disasters.

I've had a great time looking through all of the posts and laughing aloud to my hearts content.

Journeys...

life is about the journey...enjoying the journey that is.

So along my journey, I've noticed that I experience some common emotions and psychological experiences when I start something new... I could try to elucidate this with words right now, but my brain isn't working so well...and it's probably a little too close to home at the present moment. So I'll just talk about it in a general sense or talk around it...

So currently I'm in a psychological struggle (regarding my current professional venture.) DH has mentioned it's b/c I'm such a perfectionist. So instead of doing something "not up to my standards" I just drop it and not do it at all. Which is very astute of him. Yes, I agree. And it's something I've been working on - getting rid of that "black and white" thinking... that "perfectionism" that can be a crutch. I've known this for a long time...but it usually doesn't rear it's ugly head until I'm in a "new situation" mostly (or I don't notice it). And then my strength turns into a debilitating weakness sometimes...but mostly a "shoot myself in the foot" weakness.

I also tend to be a cynic in default situations. In our discussion tonight where I was venting to DH (who's really great, listens, & gives good feedback), He voiced the exact thoughts I'd been thinking only moments apart: "like Father, like daughter." Yes, my father is a cynic, and yes, I am, by default a cynic. And it's made more pronounced when I'm around other people who are not cynics, but happy optimists who are whole-hearted believers. Believers in themselves and others...even when they may not have half the aptitude or skill...but they're believers and so they go for it anyways - and no one else is the wiser? I always wonder.

And I'm hard on myself - of course! And I don't give myself enough credit sometimes where it's due. But I've come a long way (historically from my family-of-origin)...just some default programming is still there...and so how I respond/react to things tends to follow those set neural pathways...which I've been working at changing - consciously choosing to connect new neural pathways (more optimistic, positive ones). Especially regarding artistic ventures.

It's funny...I've analyzed some of this for such a long time now. In my head, the concepts are so clear. The patterns of thought, of behavior & response, historic examples, family history, family tendencies...I see&remember my parents, my dad, my mom, my siblings... but soo much... it goes so fast in my head, that it's a jumble and I am unable to record it accurately in type (too slow). It could be a whole dissertation...not just a blog entry...

BUT I do find that I am fascinated by reading & learning about other people's journeys, their growth, improvement, progress...and I am inspired by their success...and it becomes less difficult for me to also succeed. I've always been fascinated by learning about other's psychological journeys & processes.

The human experience.

And in the end, we just look back and say, "wow, what a ride. thanks!"

Tons of stuff...

...going on in my mind. But I haven't posted in any of my blogs yet for the month of April. this is the 1st. The blogs have fallen lower on the priority list. Not that there's nothing to post about... Tons of stuff has been going on and I have a ton of things to do on my "to do" lists. We've been rather busy...I've been rather busy. There's a lot of stuff to do when you move into a new home... H has been learning & developing. I should update her blog.

yes...this is not very good writing...I've used the the word stuff a lot and bad grammar. too bad for those English Nazi's out there. my blog. my style... for the night.

the latest craze for me personally last week was designing/planning/deciding our living room curtains. They are going to be full-length ceiling to floor with our 10-ft tall living room. And the many windows. I'm excited. I finally found fabric that I liked at the right price that fit my design that I'm going for (after buying other fabric that I really liked also)...but I finally decided the 1st fabric that I bought wasn't the right style/mood/color, what not. It's a neutral cream upholstery fabric in a wonderful texture and I also got this faux leather/suede dark brown fabric for a border on the curtains. Now it's finding a time to sit down and sew them without H crawling all over the fabric. She's already splattered tomato (from the garden) over some of the fabric that was out & temporarily draped.

I should also post about our garden. It's thriving. It's great! We've had lots of meals with ingredients from them...namely the tomatoes and the basil.

There are six rows in the garden. In the 1st few weeks of moving in, we planted new seeds & transplanted our potted plants. We have a row of carrots. A row of bell pepper, spinach & string beans. A row of assorted tomatoes. A row of potatoes. A row of basil, thyme & broccoli. Then some cilantro and strawberries in pots still. Most everything is flourishing, though we did pull up an aphid-diseased bell pepper plant (from the apt), and one of the thyme plants is dying.

I've taken photos to document the growth...which I should post sometime.
I have lots of photos...just not posted...which is a recurring thing. unposted photos...

Eaten Alive

So...I'm throwing stuff into the compost heap in our backyard, then I get the hoe and mix up some dirt into it. Little did I know I was standing on top of an ant colony the whole time. The ants were all over my shoes and got my ankles good (b/c I wasn't wearing any socks). I had just gone outside quickly to throw leftover H food into the compost hole. Sigh.

The colony was hidden, there wasn't even a mound. I think they moved over from the plants where we had put ant killer before. It seems that along the whole back fence there's ants everywhere. I put ant killer on them again - though it's so windy, that the stuff was getting blown everywhere. I finally just put some water with it and also wet the ground/mound and then dumped it on the dirt. We'll see if they move their colony elsewhere...or if it's a new colony. It package says it's supposed to kill the colony and the queen...

classic my parents...

so I'm sick again. I woke up yesterday with some congestion in my lungs. (I stayed up late the night before working on stuff & with dh gone, trying to get stuff done.) No runny nose, just stuff in the lungs... then I was up late again last night getting more work done (this time finishing up a client's order)...and today my lungs were rather bad. It was a dry cough and I could taste a tinge of blood. The cough was difficult to supress b/c of the fluid (probably mucus, but not thick) in my lungs. It felt like when you get water in your lungs from stuff going down the wrong pipe. And now I have a strange type of runny nose/drainage. Yes, so not the best of taking care of myself by staying up. Need more sleep so my immune system can work better.

Anyways...so I'm talking to my parents on the phone. And they have these classic responses:

After I coughed, my mom was like "oh are you sick?"
"yes mom, I'm sick."
"You should drink Noni. Are you drinking Noni?" says my mom.
"okay mom."
"I send you a whole case. I buy it for you for your health."
"thanks mom."
"When sick, you need drink Noni once every hour."
"okay mom."

Then my dad, another phone conversation a bit later; I cough.
"oh you're sick," he says.
"yes dad."
"You need to eat apple. Are you eating apple everyday? An apple a day helps your health."
"okay dad."
OR
"Drink Noni once every hour."
"okay dad."
"when sick, that's what you need to do. eat apple, drink Noni."
"okay dad."

Each time anyone is sick...mom's automatic response: "Drink Noni." dad's response: "Eat Apple." and sometimes it's also "Drink Noni." but mostly "Eat apple everyday."

Last time we visited them, my dad fed H apple everyday by scraping a halved-apple with a small spoon and making it puree-ish. It was sorta endearing.

Even a few days ago when I'm telling my mom about H's allergies...
"oh you should give her Noni. It will help her. Noni helps everything. Are you drinking Noni? I send you a case. Did you get the Noni?"

Tahitian Noni Juice is what mom (& now even dad) thinks is the miracle drink/supplement. They think it cures all (and my mind is going...yeah sure...like those potions that ppl used to peddle to unsuspecting fools...) Okay, I'm sure it's probably full of antioxidants and such, but GOSH... It's my mom's cure-all. She even fed H Noni when she was 1st born & only a few days old (without my consent and knowledge)! I flipped out at her. It probably didn't help H's food allergies that we've recently discovered that she has.

My mom called a month ago and said she was sending us a case of Noni. She'd call and ask, "did you get the Noni? Call me when you get the Noni." It didn't get to us until last week. It apparently didn't get delivered to the old address, and so she renewed the order with our new address. So now we have a whole case of 4, actually 2 whole cases of 4 bottles each, since my sister hasn't picked hers up& I forgot to take it to her today/yesterday. And she probably won't end up with them since she's leaving. I can just hear mom now:

"Did you give Cristy her Noni?"
"Why didn't you give Cristy her Noni? I send you two box. One for you, one for her."

Before leaving Cristy's today, we talked at length about the Noni...here's a tidbit:
me: "You didn't pick up the Noni yesterday before you left."
Cris: "Yeah I forgot. You can just keep it."
me: "Mom bought it for you. One case for you, one case for me. She's been asking me if I got it to you."
Cris: "I don't want to drive out there again just for the Noni. I have to study."
me: "I didn't even think about bringing it. I thought you were going to come by the house before you leave. I didn't know you weren't coming back over."
Cris: "Mom won't care."
me: "Oh she will."
Cris: "Yeah, she probably will. oh well."
me: "oh well...we'll see..."

...and the Noni is still sitting by our front door. Though I did open it before writing this post, and drank a bit. My cough is bad enough for me to be motivated to open up the stuff and drink it. It really doesn't taste that bad.

At one time dh was like, "doesn't she know we don't need it? I don't like the taste."
My reply, "She wants us to have it. It's her way of taking care of us."

It is my mom's way. It's not a cheap ticket item either. I knew it was pricey, but I forgot how pricey. I opened up the box and saw the packing slip - it's like $130 for 4 bottles! So that box of 8 Noni juice bottles that was sitting in the foyer for the past week was like $260 just sitting there...wow. about $40 a bottle. that is steep. (and I thought the epi-pen prescription at a $45 co-pay for three epi-pens was steep.) I should calculate the cost per ounce of Noni...that'd probably make me feel more guilty for not drinking it.

And here's a bit of my dad's way. When I wasn't awake to answer the phone and look up the email for what airline dh was flying...my dad did his way of "finding out." He had the email of flight # and equipment...but the times were wrong...and the airline wasn't clear to him in the email... so apparently dad made a bunch of phone calls to the airport - with a starting point of which airlines used a McDonnell Douglas MD80 and eventually got dh's flight info b/c he showed up just as dh was asking me if my parents knew when he got in.

My parents - they have their quirks and their individual ways of showing love. We love them.

another late night, early morning...dh's travel adventures...

So here I am again, up at the week hours of the morn...like the past 2 nights, except that tonight, I got to nap from 9:45pm-1:10am since I fell asleep with H. I should be asleep and getting more rest since I'm sick again...coughing up a lung and feeling like they're totally filled with fluid (probably bronchitis complications from the lovely nasty mucus-filled, wet-cough, with fever & congestion viral sickness that I got while moving - I thought I got better, but then I wasn't 100% and the not sleeping the past few days hasn't helped).

I was woken up by dh on the phone asking if my dad knew when to pick him up from the airport and if he needed to call them. I had called them around 9:30pm to tell them that dh finally got on the plane, but mom was going to wk, and dad needed to make a quick trip to the store (random dad), and he said to call him back at 10:30pm. Well I needed to put H to bed, and I subsequently fell asleep with her. I was out, b/c I didn't hear any phone calls until the 1am call that woke me up.

DH's flight was delayed by like 7 hours from PHL to DFW... so the flight ended up departing at the time it was originally scheduled to arrive at its destination: 9:30pm. Good thing dh is doing the overnight thing at DFW and chillin' at my parent's place overnight. Then he'll arrive home (hopefully an on-time flight) tomorrow morning. At least I don't have to pick him up...like last month's (not so fun) travel ordeal.

Oh, don't even get me started. Last month, we decided that I'd take him to the airport and pick him up from the airport - instead of having him park at the airport - save the company some expenses. Well, you'd THINK, hey no prob! It became a huge problem for me! His flight was just slightly delayed from Philly to Houston, and he just barely missed his connecting flight home (which was also delayed, but the wouldn't hold it). On Continental there's lots of flights from Houston to home- every hour in fact. So it should be no problem with getting on the next one. Well, so he got on the next one on stand-by. He called me and told me to head to the airport. I get a call a few minutes later, he's off the flight. huh? HUH? you think. He was sitting in his seat, and then they called him off (with 4 other passengers) because the plane was OVER the weight limit. Alright, whatever.

Well then he was standby on the NEXT flight. We didn't think he'd get on. Well, he got on. He was sitting in his seat, AND once AGAIN, he was pulled OFF the plane! He was one of 2 people that got pulled off. OKAY...he missed his 1st connecting flight, and then gets pulled off the next two planes, AFTER he's already sitting in a SEAT! And there were like 10 empty seats.

So here I am, get a phone call "come pick me up", get the dependent ready, get ready to leave, get another phone call, "don't come pick me up" and this happens over and over. I was totally aggravated. Plus it didn't help that our realtor was calling me every hour or so..."where's your dh?" and updating us on the status of the mortgage and title co and our closing...saying we couldn't close Monday b/c of paperwork delays etc...oh they're rushing to get stuff done...this is partially done..maybe we can close...or no we can't close...

Continental was apparently moving cargo...and they were loading up the planes...and I guess they went over on the weight limit, and when they did, they pulled off passengers?!?! WHATEVER! Like dh even weighs that much to make a difference.

Finally, he got ON the 4th flight (from the original), and I went & waited at the airport to pick him up. The day was supposed to be his vacation day that we could have spent together. We were supposed to go to the botanical gardens and chill, instead, it was spent in a stressed state - waiting and waiting and traveling...and waiting and waiting on phone calls for mortagage and title etc...

What a story, huh? And too bad it's all true.

as i read back over the blog...

i realize, hey! TONS of stuff has happened and we got a lot done!

first off, we closed on tuesday, feb 26th and we're now home owners! yay! we closed a day later than expected (mortgage paperwork delays - not b/c of us, but our lender), but everything worked out, and worked out really well.

we moved...started sleeping in the new house the friday after closing. got our fridge & freezer purchased wednesday evening & delivered on thursday. got our new dining set (purchased in feb) & sectional sofa (purchased right after closing) delivered on friday.

we painted our townhome apt walls back to white and we got the keys to the sublettor. we're getting our full deposit back. address changes, other acct changes...

my critical reminder list for myself is all done...and it was done awhile back. i got the carseat for H even before we moved. utilities were all set up before we moved also...and i got the best kW rates out there with our same electric company (GEXA) & kept our bonus mileage program too! water was set up quickly. we got an amazing deal on our new fridge the week we moved in (which i need to document - good story) AND a great deal on a Casio Privia keyboard which arrived last week.

packing & moving were a bit stressful - the dependent had an anaphylactic reaction to a tiny bit of PB on wheat bread the 1st night of moving while she was over at a friend's & the reaction got worse the next few days, so we were at the doctor's a lot, and i wasn't super hands-on with the packing & moving...

and now unpacking & settling in is going slowly... besides the usual massive job involved with moving... everything being in the garage & all the items that still need to be done with a new home (window treatments, yardwk, baby-proofing, & other random items)... the dependent has confirmed multiple food allergies...and so her diet is restricted and she needs utmost attention to what she ingests.

and i do have lots of unfinished items... business/work items... other items...

at least as of tonight, the photos are all finally downloaded from the cameras... but i haven't been the best at taking photos to document this move...or keeping up with blogging/online stuff...

need more rest... so busy... like a hamster in a wheel...

i'm losing my mind

a few items have been "misplaced" via the move. we've slowly been "rediscovering" items as we unpack. but one main item is still MIA - our blackberry phone charger. ah yes... quite an essential item... still MIA. neither dh or i have any memory files on where the charger could be - probably b/c we left it out intentionally NOT to be packed...and we're surmising it got packed in a random place by someone else.

another MIA is set #2 of key & remote access key to our Impala. that's still MIA. but not from the move - but from our many travels. set #1 was missing for a few months and we were only using set #2. then wonderful dh found set #1 while cleaning out the car when we were visiting my parents in Dallas. then the same weekend we found set #1, i subsequently misplaced/lost set #2. i thought i put it in my coat pocket, but it was nowhere to be found. so many moons later, set #2 is still MIA.

and this weekend, i "misplaced" my wallet. okay, so i just couldn't remember where it was today. anyways after a while afternoon of searching and an evening of stressing, i really didn't know where it was. i thought the house had swallowed it. it seems to have swallowed a lot of other things (...including carrie's cell phone?)

...i finally rediscovered it around midnight tonight... after i was looking to download photos from the point & shoot camera.

so here's process to how i found my wallet:

after being frustrated & stressed...i did some more tidying up (changed the master bed sheets & threw stuff in the closet) and then decided i wanted to download photos. now, i'm looking for the camera.

i couldn't find the point & shoot camera in the usual locations (H's diaper bag, office, counters). then i remembered i had stashed in the SLR bag - for safekeeping. and then there was this rush of memory that came back to me, and i remembered. i had put the p&s camera in the SLR bag Sunday morning. and then i recalled even more...

in the rush to leave the house Sunday morning, i had a bunch of stuff in my hands & arms. i had grabbed my wallet and then proceeded to put it very non-traditional, "odd place" (per dh) - inside my Canon SLR bag. why? b/c it was the bag on me and i didn't have any pockets, and rather than have my wallet free-floating (even more prone to being lost) i put it in one of the side pockets of the many multitudes of pockets & other zippered-compartments on the very handy SLR bag. well, the bag was in the car until the wee hours of the night Sunday, then it was in the master bedroom, and in my cleaning & tidying up Monday morning, I put the SLR bag in the closet of the studio/piano room/empty bedroom. okay. i certainly didn't remember the wallet was in the bag, otherwise, i would have taken it out before storing the SLR bag.

anyways... in summary, i was rather stressed tonight...and really felt like i was losing my mind. i could not for the life of me recall anything about my wallet...apparently until around midnight...

it really felt like my brain had a block. my memory files were inaccessible and the brain was stuck in a single path and not able to use a different search path or method.

reminders for self

• set up utilities for new place
• compare electric companies: powertochoose.org
  
• research refrigerators
• research keyboards w/ weighted keys & midi. (digital piano) brands: yamaha & clavinova, casio
  
• research convertible carseats holding over 50/60 lbs

walk-thru

our walk-thru on the new house was this morning. h was a bit sick and really needed rest, and so i got there later than dh. he was there 1st with the realtor and builder. it's weird that we close next monday. it doesn't feel like we're moving yet. we have had quite a few solid inquiries about subletting our apt. yay for craigslist. and i think there are 2 more solid ones, if the current one's paperwk doesn't go thru, but i think it will. so much happens in a week. i'm so glad that things are falling into place! that's when you know it's "meant to be" and a huge blessing that we're on the right track. dh is also out of town this week - i dropped him off at the airport this afternoon. and somehow dh being gone is stressing me out more than usual... i just have a lot to do...

work on completing client's order, work on taking care of sick dependent, work on prepping the house and packing up, and all the other scheduled things - like rs enrichment on tues, cub scout blue&gold fri, and all the other things that pop up.

and i'm totally behind on h's blog...have a ton of photos to process & post...who knows when that will happen.

(and this is the 50th post!)

happy valentine's day!

Yay! We actually did something for Valentine's Day just the two of us this year! Last year we were being discharged from the hospital with H, and drove home on ice. The year before, we were in the middle of travelling and moving me down from NYC, so we were on the plane for most of the day.

We had great sushi tonight! I LOVE SUSHI! And we found this place here that's owned and operated by Japanese ppl and not Korean, Chinese, or Americans. It's totally great! The food was super fresh, creative, and tasty with great textures! Perfect. YUM! We had the Valentine's Chef's special which included a new fave of mine, the Polar Bear Roll - Chef's special. It had salmon, avocado, some tempura crispies, and super white tuna on the outside with a great sauce! The only camera we had was the cell phone, so I'll have to post that pic after I download it.

Thank you to my lil sis who babysat so we could have a night out. We appreciate it a TON! We know you have lots to do...but we actually had a really wonderful date that was long due!

Yipee!

need to dos...briefly...

so finally i have a chance to breathe and see what i need to do to catch up...
amazingly she's still sleeping

need to post on H's blog & update it with all her stuff.
need to take 1 yr photos of just her.
need to get 1 yr handprints and footprints.
need to get her 1 year dentist & doctor appts.
...

stressing...

had the worst headache tonight. got the dependent to sleep at around 8ish, she went down fast. dh was off playing basketball, and i got some tv time to myself. saw the end of the apprentice...and no smallville on earlier...our cw channel was just a black screen. omarosa...gosh. nuff said. celebrity apprentice...haha. it's truly a social experiment. saw the premiere of lipstick jungle and was switching between that and whatever the show on abc is at the same time. lipstick jungle made me miss nyc...and a version of my life in an alternate reality.

so i just realized that i've forgotten to practice violin all week. and that's the impetus for this post. i've been so focused on H's b-day party & other stuff, that i've not practiced. i'm supposed to play some chinese songs in front of hundreds of ppl for this chinese new year celebration this saturday and i'm not ready! the coastal bend chinese assoc asked me to play, and it's not like i know them or they know me...so if i suck...that's BAD!!! it's like a nightmarish "i'm not ready for the test b/c i haven't studied" anxiety. eek! one piece is a-okay b/c i have the melody in my head, but the other piece...i was supposed to listen to it all week and come up with an arrangement, which i haven't done! ahhh!

and tomorrow is supposed to be devoted to cake baking and decorating. and party preparations for saturday. there is not enough time to do everything! i've been editing photos for the past few days in photoshop for the CD that i'm supposed to make for my clients by tomorrow. then i've been researching sugar-free cake recipes & frostings...went grocery shopping and ran errands and i totally forgot about practicing!!! my brain?! where is my brain?!?!

i needed to delegate some of the party stuff, but i didn't. i wanted to do it all b/c i want it really perfect...though it doesn't matter at all b/c she's only turning one year old and doesn't know the difference! ha!

i dunno why i can't focus well...my head hurts...brain feels swollen.
ok...
probably from lack of sleep...

happy chinese new year!

so it's the lunar new year...the year of the rat.

...called taiwan this morning and talked to my aunt. grandma apparently moved in with my uncle in taoyuan last week, so she wasn't there for me to talk to her...and i didn't realize with dst, the time change made it late there when i called and grandma would've been in bed anyways. but my aunt sent my mom good wishes.

off topic but in the conversation with my aunt: so i have a history of colon cancer...now breast cancer in the family...and heart disease...and high cholesterol...and what else?

we went & looked at the house again yesterday...it'd been awhile since we'd been there (over a week? i was last there on monday 1-28 i think). we met some of our future new neighbors & also saw the inside of the house being built across the street. as of last monday, there was only one house left on the street to be sold. basically 12 families have moved in on that street in december/january. it's a cul de sac - there were lots of kids out playing, 3 basketball hoops set up on the street, and the neighbors seem really friendly. there's lots of sahm's. we close in about 2 weeks. how exciting!

yesterday was overall a really great day for me. i was super productive. i also fell asleep putting hannah down...and so therefore went to bed early. hopefully today is even more productive. but i'm sorta tired since i woke up around 3:30/4am and haven't gone back to bed - wasn't able to sleep.

why r some ppl...

so good with their time in life, cherishing each moment, maximizing every opportunity, while others are wasteful and channel their energies in negative ways?

been reading news releases, and i just linked to glen beck's tribute to president hinckley and thought it was kind of him to pay tribute on cnn headline news. then i scrolled down to the comments and came across a slew of clutter, from nice comments to really wasteful ones. i use the term wasteful, because the comments were wasteful of time, my time to even have seen them, their time to have written them, and wasteful of the text used to write the message that was not worth the space it took up. they were just so inconsiderate - why? a wonderful man, so respected and precious to so many hearts has passed on, and just leave it be! whether or not it's your faith, whether or not it agrees with your beliefs, whatever the case, if Glen has paid tribute, have the decency and respect to not fill up the comments with useless negative banter!!!

so...that's why i don't have a youtube acct - too much on there...just too much...

i mean it's everywhere with the internet & satellite age...this era and slew of technology and copious amounts of information (like blogs - this particular blog filled with stuff from my mind).

i feel the same about the current state of the media, the entertainment & sports industry, the economy, and the coverage of the presidential campaign. "too much!" i was trying to watch a bit the past few weeks, trying to read and stay current, but here's soooo much "noise" out there. media commenting on this or that. opinions opinions, opinions here and there and everywhere. predictions, polls, opposition to this or that. judgment and criticism of this or that. negativity. stress. conflict. no wonder people exacerbate existing conditions and have health issues.

i admire all of the candidates and what they are doing...running for office, in the public eye, sharing parts of themselves with the nation, putting themselves out there, trying to make or take their place in the world, in history. that's a big deal, no matter whether you win or lose, whether you're popular or the underdog. the process - it's a big deal.

but let's just pause here. i mean would all of those people, media people, entertainment people, political people, everyday people...you included...live their life the way they are currently living life, if they knew they only had a day, a week, a few months, or even a year left of life? how would YOU live your life if you knew your time was limited? what about EXTREMELY limited?

well...all of our lives here on this earth are limited. no one knows when time here is up, but all i can say is, you better live it to the best of your ability. not to throw caution to the wind and do destructive things. but to be good, and decent, and make the world a better place because you were in it and breathed the air and drank the water and ate the fruits of the earth. to truly be doing the things you WANT to do and SHOULD be doing. to really choose each and everyday those things that are most precious and important, to do those essential things, to cherish this particular moment...whatever moment that may be, exactly, right now. what matters the most to you? what are things that you haven't done, but should do? how would you change your life or would you even change anything at all? what have you done with your time in this precious mortal life?

feeling blue

so today it was confirmed that my mom has breast cancer. i know that there are lots of breast cancer survivors, so at first i was totally fine...

then little things all started adding up... talking to my sister......and then my aunt r who called...so then it was a conference call & my sister's comment on what life would be like without mom and how we'd miss her...then discovering the dependent having a chipped tooth - feeling like a bad mom b/c i have no idea how & when she got it...and thinking about president hinckley's passing and remembering his funeral from this weekend... the tears were freely flowing by the end of the service in the conference center.

anyways...

we've been really busy and i haven't had tons of blogging time/opportunities. last week lots happened...and online time was spent doing other stuff...

i guess i could wax prolific... b/c i could reflect on a lot of stuff close to my heart... but i'm not feeling up to it... i don't have much to say... no eloquence... so i'm going to stop now...

president hinckley

will be dearly missed. president hinckley holds such a dear place in so many hearts, mine included.

so we will move forward in faith with president monson.

amazing what can change

in a very very short period of time! this morning we thought we were going forward with the purchase of a ~1640 sqft 4b/2b home built in 2000. we were trying to negotiate the repairs on the patio roof & some windows (post-inspection). the seller had totally agreed to some terms a few days ago, and then today the seller decided he didn't want to repair anything, and took back stuff he'd said he'd do - going back to the original contract. so basically it ended negotiations and we're pulling out.

which was funny b/c both of us felt relieved. we felt relief. lol. of course we were perplexed very briefly, pondered what the seller could be experiencing...frustration, yes. we had just asked for extended time on our options period to get repair quotes to find the best rate... but with all of the going back and forth (probably an issue of how his realtor presented stuff - it's like the telephone game with the middle-men) who wouldn't get frustrated?

so we thought about how much we wanted the house...and we both seemed blase...it was nice...yes we wanted it b/c the location & area was nice, the backyard fence opening with access to the park...nice covered patio...yes it'd be nice to have a plasma TV in the deal...but NO we weren't sad about not having the house, b/c it wasn't what we really really wanted...it was like, ok let's move on to the next one...

now what does that mean? it means that we subsequently went back to exploring our options, and we discovered a wonderful opportunity & GREAT deal! as of 3pm this afternoon, we're buying a NEWly CONSTRUCTED home! YAY! and i'm TOTALLY EXCITED & HYPER & HAPPY! so THIS is how I'm supposed to feel when it's RIGHT. we're BOTH totally excited!

these homes were ones that I wanted back in May...and we did some color & options selections, but then the final answer we decided was no, we needed to wait. then after moving here and renting...and exploring more options as we resumed our house hunt, i still really liked these homes and their energy efficiency...after our options exploration earlier this week, and finding out more information, we followed up again today.

long story short...the retail price tag had always been the issue with dh. but today we were able to find one at a great deal which we didn't think could happen. it was a no-brainer. so now we're buying a new construction ~1840sqft 4b/2b home with a great kitchen (corian counters, stainless steel appliances), great master suite & bath (garden tub, big & spacious), and great floor plan for us.
happiness!

the end of a week

that has gone by so quickly. even though i'm a sahm, i still view the "work week" as M-F b/c then Friday evening to Sunday evening, I have my partner in crime to help with the dependent!

i feel like i've learned a lot this week. all about the whole collection of canon lenses and made a list of the equipment that i need & want and order of acquisition (according to our current financial situation). i ordered a new lens on tuesday w/ bday and xmas money - yay! so i've been patiently waiting for it to arrive in the mail.

today i just got back from getting together with some of the ladies in the chinese community here, and for lunch i had the BEST homemade chinese food that i've had in a while - beijing style. i didn't even realize there was a rather large chinese population and a close knit community of peeps here. i met the first at library storytime, then more thru dh's co-wker, and apparently it's just growing from there.

lunch today was at a lady's whose hubby is president of the chinese association here - and they live in a really nice place off of the ritzy ocean drive. i didn't think i'd ever meet anyone who actually lived on ocean drive. well, now i have! she was super duper nice. it was hard for me to understand her chinese b/c it was extreme beijing! she was a wonderful cook and wonderful hostess. she had already cooked a lot of the really tasty stuff in the garage when we arrived. she's set up a whole "mini-kitchen" in the garage so that she doesn't smell up the house with the strong aromas. i thought that was a nifty idea.

the lady i met at the library had asked me to play violin for the chinese new year celebration on february 9th. so 3 of us went over there to plan out the music...one is also going to sing - she has a gorgeous voice and sings exceptionally well. so i think we decided for me to play mo li hua, the theme from the butterfly lovers violin concerto, and i may try to put some other stuff together, maybe from yellow river or some traditional tunes.

the dependent had fun also... there was another baby who was 15 months that she played with. but it really cut into her naptime...and so she was waaay fussy on the ride home.

another thing i've been pondering b/c it keeps on popping up is teaching violin. it was suggested today by one of the ladies that i should teach after the dependent gets a bit older. periodically ppl have asked if i teach violin. sometimes they ask if i will teach their kids. my standard reply: sorry, i used to, but not anymore. i've just moved too much and i don't feel it'd be fair to teach and then have to move and then what do i do with the students? plus i am outta the loop a bit. i would like to supplement dh's income, and i feel guilty sometimes for not teaching & i express it to him... his reply is: "do you LOVE teaching?" and my answer is "no." and he just smiles at me and says, "okay then." so i'll sometimes reconsider it again and truly i don't think i LOVE teaching violin. i don't think i've ever liked teaching violin. not that i DISlike it either. it's just that there are other things i love more...and am more interested in than teaching violin.

anyways...i don't know why i got into that. i guess it's stuff that's been going on in my brain that i felt i should document. and i feel guilty for all the time and money and training that's "going to waste" but i think that's my ingrained parent voice inside and not my voice.

busy busy busy

signed the amendment to the contract (post-inspection changes and things we're asking for) today. realtor came to our place...since we're down to 1 car. the other car is going to take a LOT more $$$ to fix than anticipated. murphy's law!

we're going to have a lot more $outflow than $inflow.

i have so many things on my to-do list.... some things do fall off. like i was going to help a friend today for post-wisdom-teeth-extraction support. but her hubby is staying with her...and so i don't have that to do.

so much to learn...big learning curve for me for my recent endeavors.

and dropping the ball on domestic things. i've never been a fan of domesticity...and things related. i'm getting worse now. dh has been picking up the slack.

my time gets sucked away by things...like my inability to stop a project or something i'm working on until it's done or at a completion. therefore my dislike of on-going projects (like scrapbooking) that just never end. i HAVE to have an end. so i only start projects that have a definite beginning and end. preferably, completion in one sitting or a limited span of time (like a few days or a week...) otherwise i choose to not do things.

long-term projects need to be intrinsically fulfilling in order for me to continue them... then i consider them long-term learning... like art, photography, music, dance. those are long term interests. but i can't focus on all of them at once. growing up it was 1st art...then music for a long time...a bit of dance...art again briefly interspersed throughout...and now it's photography.

housework on the other hand, it's never-ending! it's on-going... clean something, use it, it gets disorganized/dirty, clean it again, and the cycle goes on and on forever. dishes, laundry, cleaning, bathrooms, yardwork. it never ends. daily. weekly. monthly. yearly. ahhhh...

then childcare! once you have a child...that's it! say good-bye to abundant personal time. child care is also never-ending... and you are then a parent forever.
'nuff said.

doubts and second thoughts

about the house... of course we've had them. 1. should we buy now? 2. is this particular house the house we should buy? i mean with the market & economy the way it's going, the pending election, the unknown variables, dh's financial advisor saying that he's going to sell his house and rent for 2 years, and finding out today that our Honda Civic needs $$ work done...

but after some more research, exploration of options this cold and rainy tuesday evening, and wise advice from a parent, we feel much better about our pending purchase.

today we visited two new housing developments nearby and looked at model homes, floor plans, and options. (i like new homes...i've always liked them...and i like model homes for their decorating ideas.) we already considered the area, commute distance, convenience, and the elem schools and picked the best area overall. we learned today that a new elementary school is going to be built in the area w/in the next 2 yrs, so then the area's going to be re-divided, so it's going to be even better - initially one of the reasons we made our current choice over one of the new developments was b/c of the school it feeds into. it's definitely been a process. we're getting a better deal per sq foot than a brand new home of course, but we've also come up with ideas and cosmetic improvements to add value to our pending purchase. i've come up with architectural details and design elements i'd like to add.

house inspection...

was this afternoon. it was good overall, no big major problems except for the open patio addition put on by the builder, a few yrs later...apparently the pitch of the roof compared to the addition caused some of the rain water to back-up to the edge of the house...and some of it is rotting. some other code things that have changed since the house was built in 2000, or the codes weren't followed that strictly back then in this town? who knows?

i didn't realize till today but dh doesn't really like the floor plan of the house. i'm okay with it. we both agree the bedrooms are a bit small, but it is a 4 bedroom in the square footage of a normally what would be a spacious 3-bedrm. the kitchen isn't my fave...and the cabinets were painted white - which i sorta dislike. everything in the kitchen is bland - all white and almond color appliances. not my fave. but whatever...we're not going to live in it forever. i figure we can replace the cabinet hardware (which it seems that they added on) and redo some fixtures in the house. just some other cosmetic things that could make the house look more cohesive in style, add some architectural details...minor ones. etc...

but it is stressful buying a house. a lot of money and a big step. we had those "second thoughts" tonight... it IS still our option period and we could back out and just be out $25 bucks... but i don't think we'll back out. the house isn't perfect or anything, but we both like a lot of things about it... but it's the location that's sold us. so... and we're getting a good deal (we think)... and a new HD plasma TV with the deal.

we could second guess ourselves and the market... we could wait and see what else comes up, stuff always comes up all the time...but it's not like the area is going to change all that much. we've driven down practically every street in the town like at least twice and seen a lot of houses as they've come up on the market. it'd be good to just stop the searching... though i've really enjoyed looking at houses and enjoyed the search. something that's been rather fun to do with our time.

i could sit here and worry about subletting the place that we're in now. but why?

anyways... i could be doing so many other things with my time right now... like sleep

down memory lane...our courtship

so here's a remix of photo highlights from our courtship...
...a bunch in manhattan b/c that's where i was living at the time
and the empire state building is where we got engaged, the day after my birthday. yay!
...and then ones from our engagement photo shoot.

to two wonderful years of marriage...

so i didn't get to pay tribute to two years of marriage...
happy two years! and to many more!

since our anniversary is right before christmas, it makes it a bit more complicated to get away and celebrate. but we did have a nice evening at la madeleine's - one of our fave places to go since it was where we ate on our 1st date (and one of my faves since childhood).

they accepted our offer

and so now it's going to be under contract. yay! dh just called.

yeah... dh woke me up way too early this morning. he couldn't sleep b/c he was thinking about the house. so then i was up and got to thinking about the house and couldn't go back to sleep.

thank goodness for inspirational & beautiful children's photography. it takes my mind off a lot of things...like passing the time when waiting.

house hunting

so the house hunting resumed on jan 5th. and in the span of a few short days and only two days of actual going out with our new realtor...we've made offers on two houses as of wednesday. the first, we nixed for many reasons after the counter offer - namely the seller and the seller's blumbering realtor. they bought too much house before selling their previous home and are now in a bad situation. and they didn't even put in any wk on the home to be sold and want a huge profit off of it. ha!

this second, i think it's going to work out, but i hate the waiting game. we could've had a quick negotiation, but i think our realtor misunderstood how we wanted her to phrase our counter-offer to his counter-offer, therefore, with the way the psychology of negotiation works, it will now take till tomorrow and both parties won't be as "instantaneously happy" with the result, even though the result may have probably been the same either way. i just need to learn to let things slide even more...and be better at letting go...

we definitely like this realtor much better than the previous ones. on top of things, professional, nice demeanor, organized, says what she means, isn't a "yes" person, but gives good feedback.

regarding deals. yes, there's always a deal out there. sometimes more than others. i think timing is working out...though i was less "contented" about it earlier in the evening...and esp tuesday night when we chose the house to make an offer on... after finding out rates this morning, dh was really happy, and therefore i was too.

re: my default thoughts - what the brain works on when it's not consciously processing anything. i've been more focused on photography than house hunting. i've been good and not emotionally vested in any of house searching, so no heartaches there...but these two things have been taking up a big chunk of my mental processing. then H and dh... the rest has been neglected...esp dinners/grocery shopping & domestic things. oh well.

so now in the wee hours of the morning... i'm dealing with the prospect of moving again and i think i'm okay (b/c i'm too tired to care now probaby). dh said he'd handle old residence stuff and i can handle new residence stuff. that's cool with me. i get too stressed out with PACKING and moving. plus i'm rather attached to our townhome. it's a nice townhome and nice community. and i'm used to it though it's not even been a year (~8 mos). creature of habit....or sentimentality. don't wanna think about it again till tomorrow and AFTER things are more concrete...like our offer being accepted.

new year resolutions & goals

Happy New Year!

to a great and wonderful year filled with accomplished goals and fulfilled wishes and another one to come!

so, my personal new year's resolutions & goals (not including the fam)...for my own personal accountability.
i want to:

• photograph 2 sessions a month. what started as a dream and whim at the end of last year is now taking off! and i didn't think it would so soon in 2008...i thought maybe later than sooner... but yay for progress! this way i still have time to be a mom and wife and be me, but still have time to do something on the side that i enjoy. and this way i can be "wking from home" and building something for the future.
  
• learn a new technique/skill/try something new every week.
  
• keep up with blogging at least weekly - esp on H's site. consolidate maybe?
  
• need to journal for real somewhere...maybe here? maybe not here?
  
• take belly dancing or dancing lessons. start up yoga & pilates again.
  
• something with violin? i dunno if i want to renew that or not... i guess i'll think about it.
  
• SIMPLIFY. & get organized! very broad and all-encompassing. this is something that's been perpetually bugging me b/c it's never-ending. i need to break it down... but not going to do it here.
  
• so...apparently...we're going to move into a house soon... once again, i thought or was hoping it'd be later than sooner... so i need to get that in order. i HATE packing & moving. but i want to get the new house situated, decorated, and consistently maintained. i didn't think that i'd be so attached to the townhome...and not want to move...it is a nice townhome & nice community.
  
• expand my garden. cultivate the plants. expand the herbs. so far there's basil, tomatoes & bell pepper. need more plants and more land and more garden. add rosemary, parsley, thyme, cilantro, spinach, lettuce. learn more about gardening. maybe add flowers to the mix? practical plants that are multi-purpose.
  
• start a compost. recycle plastics, metals, & glass.
  
• continue with coupon shopping, deal-finding, bargain-hunting. maximize the dollar. maybe add garage sales into the mix...sigh.
  
• there's probably more...there are new projects all the time. and with a new house..sheesh--endless! but if i put more, i'll not do them b/c it's too much. i can't even remember 2007's resolutions. i think i wrote them down, but even if i wrote them down, i couldn't find them... so that's why i'm posting here.
  

christmas craftiness

so this is a long overdue update...

i made piped christmas spritz cookies to take caroling for fhe on dec 17th, 2007. they took forever! i'm not a martha stewart nor a molly. i always would love to make cute crafty things, entertain, bake, cook gourmet meals, but i only manage to do it once in awhile...or once a year...ha! it was even more difficult as the dependent didn't want to nap that day.

here are some trees...




and some wreaths...


the trees turned out the best...

earlier in december...i made these ornaments at enrichment. appropriate that these guys were made from shells...totally cute idea! i wanted to get/make an ornament each year to add to the tree...and this year there were a bunch (3 angels, 2 santas & a star).

i personally liked the angels a lot better than the santa...